It’s on random

– still water in my dreams. Always the ocean. Or rain. Floods. Overflowing rivers. Mud pulling at my shoes. It’s not longer something I fear or dread, I’m so used to it. Like the sudden feeling of falling that wakes you, legs kicking. It’s just a normal part of sleep for me. Less normal? The onset of adult sleep-walking. A joke was once made that I was so unhappy, I was literally trying to run away from things. But it’s becoming more frequent. I don’t feel so much unhappy, as maybe less settled. A lot less secure. Lonely. Maybe I’m not running away, but toward something.

– Davy Jones…genuinely bummed. I watched their show on reruns as a kid. And while I was never attracted to the shine of it, they were funny and the set was brightly colored and more than anything, watching it made my mom smile. My mom never looked for common ground between us, but this? This was oddly our thing. I didn’t get what was funny, I didn’t get the references, and I didn’t at all get how these foppy men could possibly be good looking, but she lit up, so I lit up and laughed along for her. (A total aside, was a girlfriend of mine winning a date with Davy Jones in jr. high. This story fascinated me, because I couldn’t imagine WANTING to win a date w/Davy Jones in jr. high. Or really? How in the early 90’s someone roped him into going on a date with two 14 year old girls. Because in hindsight, the results were pretty much what you’d expect: he showed up in a limo drunk, unfriendly and everyone involved couldn’t wait for it to end. I guess thankfully, I don’t have a Jones for Jones, so this was mostly funny to me, no bubbles burst. But I never told my mom.)

– the best part of this day so far was waking early to cuddle with my 11 year old. Time it is fleeting, and I hold onto tiny moments like that the best I can. Even if he is totally oblivious to the preciousness of it…I’m not.

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